Skip to main content

Treasure

The other day I found two rare and interesting journals. At first they were difficult to read, but with a little effort I was able to translate them. Following are excerpts from each of them:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. @#&%.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

In reality, these excerpts came from my friend and coworker, Jenifer. I thought they were hilarious and had to share them. The dog journal excerpts definitely sound like Cambridge!
Labels:

Comments

J+S said…
Seriously, aren't these hilarious?
November 10, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Let's Get It Started

Today I found a new online party planning resource . Holiday, birthday, bridal shower, baby shower, weddings, etc. It helps you create invitations or ecards, is customizable, offers list management and guest list management, sends event/birthday reminders, manages potluck sign up lists, links to Twitter and Facebook, helps you decide on a date, links to your e-calendar, links to party planning supplies, manages a to-do list, offers party planning ideas, hints and tips, and is pretty much amazing. In addition, it is free. I'm hooked.
2 comments
Read more

Puttin' on the Witch!

Tonight, the majority of my family met at Gardner Village for dinner at Archibald's and then planned to wander the Village. It's Witchapalooza and witching time at the Village. By the time we finished dinner, most of the shops were closing. We looked around a bit and snapped a few pictures. I'll post them another time. The witches and pumpkins and Halloween decor was frightfully fun, but I don't think I've had such poor customer service at a restaurant before. I wish I could say that the restaurant was packed. Maybe there were extenuating circumstances we weren't aware of. Maybe it was an off night for them. Maybe I'm just grouchy. Birthdays sometimes do that. Guess I'd better see the Witch Doctor or something to get it straightened out. The company was grand: mom and dad; Adam, Renee, AJ, and EL; Nathan, Bekah, RD, and AM, and me. Their service gave us a lot of time to sit and visit. RD and AJ were darling. Both were in very good moods. RD had on hi
7 comments
Read more

After Twilight

Mom and I went to see Twilight this afternoon. I'm still a little queasy from all the quick camera movements and sitting so near the screen. Overall, I liked the flick. I don't know if it would have made as good of an impression if I didn't already know the storyline. Half of my enjoyment came from the expectation of what was coming next. Part came from the "crowd" participation. It was almost like being a part of a melodrama with the cheers and boos and screams from the audience. I'm not totally sold on Edward or Bella. I pictured both characters very differently from the movie depiction. That said, I'm already planning to see it again. Not so close this time, please. Any takers?
6 comments
Read more