Along the path...

So glad that God rested when He created the world. He set the example of resting from your work. Glad we have the opportunity to rest as well as to wrest. Both do my soul good. For me to keep track of, today is the first day I applied Vitamin E oil around my sutures.  Also, Happy Halloween!

Aunt Ella passed away on the 18th. Her celebration of life is today. She's been struggling the last bit, since she fell at the end of August. Now, she has been released from pain and has been able to reunite with friends and family who preceded her in death. We have lost her light among us; it continues on in a different sphere. And, we have memories to hold on to in the meantime. "An Affair to Remember" sums it up well with Terry McKay's observation: Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories...  Grateful to have known and loved her and to have warm memories to share. 

Once there was a gal who was a literary magazine editor in college. Fun times! Playing with words and providing feedback about ways to help convey an author's intent was thrilling and challenging at the same time.  My dad recently found one of the magazines I edited. The snapshot above is of a piece in that magazine that touched me deeply. I've thought of it often over the years.  As we are preparing for my Aunt's funeral tomorrow. I thought it might be an appropriate piece to share. Each of us has unknown chapters in our lives. Whether they are talents from years gone by or in years to come or experiences or personality facetes that only few people know about. To Robyn Hansen, wherever you are, thank you for "Uncovered Memories."

Selfie photo shoot!!! Before surgery, I took some pictures of my abdomen while I was wearing a specific shirt, so I could do a comparison. I still feel bloated and gassy and crampy and itchy and gross, but I took another photo shoot in the same shirt for comparison tonight. 4 weeks post-op today. If I remember correctly, I got back to my room after surgery at just before 11 pm. I kind of think a basketball sized mass would have made more of a visual difference. Healing takes time. And patience. And more time I am told. To everyone out there healing in your own way, on you own timeline, from whatever you need to heal from, hugs. Hang in there. Give it some time and patience. Before After

It's crazy to me to think it has been four weeks since Einstein was removed.  When I met with Dr. Hunn last Friday, it sounded like she hadn't taken any pictures of my mass. She was going to ask her nurse to look. I haven't heard anything yet. So, I probably will never know what it looked like. Hard, rock like, not much fluid. I want to be able to pick up and do everything I did before. Right now. It's hard to be patient. She signed off on my going back to work on Monday. I am going to miss listening to my body and napping when I need to.

Not my favorite combination. Dang it!

Yesterday was RDM's wind ensemble concert. They did such a great job!  Their October concert has all kinds of characters playing instruments: pirates, pig kings, the dred pirate roberts, princesses, Newt Scamander, etc. It's fun to see the kids' creativity. RDM was Newt.

Yesterday I thought it be a good idea to get three shots. My arms ache at the sites. Last night I tossed and turned with fever. It final broke-ish this morning. Still feverish; it's trending down, and I think I am on the mend.... I hope. We drew a circle around the red, hot spot on my arm to see if it grows or shrinks as well.

Everything. Important. Fun. Craziness. All of the above. Like Nephi, I am blessed to have goodly parents. Family is important to them. Family time is important to them. They share this love with us. Unlike Nephi, I am blessed with excellent siblings, and they have chosen excellent spouses. I know it doesn't always happen this way and am sooo grateful they chose to join us on this crazy journey of life. Very blessed! And I don't even know where to begin with my amazing neices and nephews! They are the best and make by life better every day. Annually, my parents throw a Halloween bash. Pumpkin carving. Chili. Hot dogs. Donuts. Treats. We drank from fake blood bads filled with apple cider this year. (All of us that is except my youngest nephew in attendance. They looked more like plasma or urine samples than blood bags. He was too grossed out by them and drank from a boring cup.) We played several rounds of Connect Four. Lots of laughter. It was super fun.  With all of the crazine...

It's about balance. Bitter with sweet. I am grateful for the Sabbath Day... A friend shared the quote below with me recently. Loved it

Positive news from the doctor on Friday. She is smart and talented. Everything is healing up nicely. It sounds like my mass was unusual and somewhat rare. I shouldn't have a reoccurrence. I reached out to my manager and our HR team to let them know the good news too. Friday night, my cousin's daughter was married to the love of her life. Her wedding and reception were beautiful. Her grandpa, my uncle, officiated the ceremony. He gave some thought provoking and elegant advice. It was a positive, fun way to celebrate their new lives together as well as catch up on the lives of family and friends. Saturday, we are celebrating a cousin's life and unexpected passing. His wife and children and extended family at a loss with his loss.  I am grateful to know that this life is not the end and that relationships continue into the next life. This gives me comfort in times of separation. 

Tired beyond tired. On so many levels. The inklings of last nights dream are fading. What stood out is that in this dream, I had been a surrogate for someone to have a baby. I don't remember who were the parents. The dream was post birth, not during the pregnancy. And, I was in denial or had forgotten I had been the baby's surrogate mother.  People were trying to remind me about the pregnancy and birth to the point that when I woke up this morning I was wondering where the child was and how it was doing. It took a little while to untangle the dream from reality. So weird.

Three weeks ago today, I entered St. Marks to have Einstein removed. It seems like only yesterday. And, like a lifetime ago at the same time.  Tomorrow, I meet with the doctor to see how my body is healing and to talk about next steps and returning to life. I haven't seen her since the hospital. It seems unreal that I should be back to work and life and everything in another week. I am trying to rebuild my stamina. Naps are my friend. Sometimes life seems overwhelming. I am unsure if I am the same person I was even a month ago. Is anesthesia a type of burial and rebirth? Does the person who carried Einstein still exhist?  Life is fragile. How do I want to let this experience change me?

Tonight was out Covey performance. I watched from the sideline and cheered and zagareeted until my throat ached. They did such a great job!!!  I missed dancing with with them immensely. Luckily I got to sit by some little and big friends in the audience.  

Sometimes there are things that make my blood boil. People who bully or are unkind with the intent to hurt, get gain, hold the power, belittle someone else. People who take advantage of or try to abuse others. Temper temptation. I am smoldering...

My aunt, one of my mom's sisters, passed away today. No more words just yet 

I usually have vivid, crazy dreams. Since my surgery, I don't remember having any dreams. Last night's takes the cake though. I dreamt I was walking around with family. We got into an area full of ticks. I was the main course. Ick!

As Halloween approaches, I thought it might be appropriate to share a creepy, short story I wrote a few years ago. New Beginnings By Andrea Morrill September 2014 Looking back, I should have suspected something. He had taken my news too well, even calmly. The storm clouds of his temper that I had expected to rattle my resolve had given way not to thunder and lightening, but to a bright, cloudless sky. Almost an artificial calm. That was in the beginning. Now I sat powerless, shocked, as he continued painting me with delicate strokes and lifelike color. With each movement of his brush I resisted letting tears fall or crying out. No one would have heard me any way. I forced my gaze to the magnificent painting hung on the wall just beyond his shoulder. It almost looked like the mist rose and rolled over itself, like an occasional fish leaped for a dragonfly skirting the pond's surface, leaving ripples of its passing. Sunlight seemed to trickle through the trees and create a maze of...

Livin' on a prayer. I can hardly believe it has been two weeks since Einstein's removal. Potentially, two more weeks before I can go back to work.  My life has been more reliant on prayer this year because of Einstein. Searching for answers, for peace, for comfort, for guidance, on behalf of my medical team, for family and friends, for my body. President Russell M Nelson taught in the October 2005 General Conference, “I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly hea...

My cousin Brad Nash passed away unexpectedly this afternoon. His obituary link

Where the Crawdads Sing By Delia Owens Set in a lyrical view of the marshlands of North Carolina. Beautiful, sad murder mystery that examines prejudices and the resilience of the human spirit found in overcoming, loss, and achievement. The importance of love and connection and relationships. 

Weak too. Einstein has left its marks on me. Five incisions. Not being able to dance right now is frustrating.  Walking is not maintaining my muscle tone like I would like. Atrophy sets in.  I am open to suggestions on how to combat this while recuperating.

Another trip around the sun! Yay!  Thank you for all the kind expressions of good will and wishes for a happy birthday; the calls, the texts, the cards, and everything. You spoil me!  Please forgive any awkwardness on my part on receiving them. I really do appreciate you and them. It's not quite a TBT; it is Wednesday after all. I hope you enjoy some pictures of pictures from yesteryear. (Be grateful I skipped the nakey baby in the bathtub and the toddler with bows stuck on the bare buttocks pics.) As an extra exciting development, I got a call from the nurse. She said that they can remove the staples today! Woot! Warning: gross picture alert.... 

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables Song by Eddie Redmayne There's a grief that can't be spoken There's a pain goes on and on Empty chairs at empty tables Now my friends are dead and gone Here they talked of revolution Here it was they lit the flame Here they sang about tomorrow And tomorrow never came From the table in the corner They could see a world reborn And they rose with voices ringing And I can hear them now! The very words that they had sung Became their last communion On this lonely barricade At dawn Oh my friends, my friends forgive me That I live and you are gone There's a grief that can't be spoken There's a pain goes on and on Phantom faces at the window Phantom shadows on the floor Empty chairs at empty tables Where my friends will meet no more Oh my friends, my friends Don't ask me what your sacrifice was for Empty chairs at empty tables Where my friends will sing no more