Along the path...

Or rather, polyps. Three to be exact. Excised, removed, sent for testing. Colonoscopy was a moving experience. Dr Frantz took good care of me. He thought they were all precancerous, noncancerous. Waiting for pathology to be sure.

Two months post surgery. So dang emotional. Post surgery follow up yesterday. Healing fine. Feeling broken.

I have so many things to be grateful for, so many blessings in my life. Among them is that I am at week 8.  Last night, I saw a movie with Nathan and Bekah and their kids. It was Encanto and followed a storyline about the importance of family. I have been blessed with an amazing family too.

How is it seven weeks since surgery?!?! 

It's been seven years that I have worked at CareerStep. There have been a lot of changes over the years. I love our mission of helping people learn new skills and start a new path, new career. Awesome sauce!

Finished another book. It was silly and lighthearted and an easy read.  It's an endearing take on modern and medieval fairy tales, fairies that haven't quite reached their fairy state yet, and the angst and conflicts of young love. A clean teen romance novel.

There are days when the weight of the world hangs heavy. Knowledge is power, right?!?  Seeking direction about how to help. Listening for guidance, and then praying for courage to act.

It seems like only yesterday that we were awaiting her entrance into the world. This spunky, kind, thoughtful, smart, talented, goodhearted, swimming, dancing, singing, and acting-loving woman made me an aunt. Life wouldn't be the same without her in it. She's 18 today. In the blink of an eye. College bound after high school. The world at her feet. This weekend we got to celebrate her by watching her in her element: a swim meet and a musical. We also embarrassed her at dinner too by singing to her at Cafe Sabor. Happy birthday, ICW!!! Love you so much.

Discouraged. That's what I am. I think I went back to work too soon, too hard, too full on. My brain feels like is finally starting to unfog and clear up. My thinking is mostly straightish now. Or straightening.  Still healing. Incision infection is improving. Antibiotics for the win! My emotions are all over the place. I cry much more often than usual. Over the most ridiculous things. For the most obscure reasons. For just because. I hurt and ache and want to scream/yell all the time. I keep telling myself it will get better. Now, I'm not sure if I am an unreliable narrator or a full blown liar.  I feel like such an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mess. A stuffy with its filling torn out and scattered around the room. No way to calm the storm and pull it all back together again. So sorry for anyone who my path crosses with. Hopefully I haven't swamped or capsized your boat.

It is finished and done. With the hint of a sequel.  V. E. Schwab's stories are unconventional, fresh, and unique. Her writing is musical and delicious. Something to be savored. Not for young adult readers. Thematic and language.  What would life be like without memory or without being remembered? Who else has read this book? Thoughts swim in my head; I would like to discuss it with someone.

I am amazed. It's been five whole weeks since Einstein was evicted. Five weeks. That seems like yesterday and a lifetime all wrapped into one. Half a week back to work down now too. My fingers are unpracticed, unused to the work. Healing takes time I keep reminding myself. There are times I steam ahead regardless of anything else. Until my body or my stamina scream, "Um, hello are you listening?!?!" In another week maybe I will dare to sleep on my stomach again...

Starting to look into meatless, non-mother/non-face food options that are also tasty and satisfying. I saw a recipe on Trader Joe's Instagram awhile back for their bottled Autumn vegetable soup, baby kale, and gnocchi. Tried it. Found out I like baby kale a lot. Love gnocchi still. Wasn't a huge fan of the soup. But, it wasn't terrible and no one died from it. So today I thought I would try out a recipe for lentil tacos from Taste of Home. We added corn and cooked, brown rice to the lentils. The mouthfeel and chewiness factor was good. I like the flavor. For shells, we used Trader Joe's jicama taco shells. I tried a tostada and a taco. The jicama shell was surprisingly sturdy and not too "different" tasting. Would totally do them again. The picture comes from Taste of Home's recipe page. They used corn taco shells instead of the jicama. I didn't take a picture of my taco before slicking it down.  Here is a link to the recipe for safe keeping.... https:...

Saturday  was my one month mark from surgery. Back to work I go today, like Joe. Wish me luck! I hope I remember and can do all of the things.... Hoping today doesn't end in a volcano.... hahaha

So glad that God rested when He created the world. He set the example of resting from your work. Glad we have the opportunity to rest as well as to wrest. Both do my soul good. For me to keep track of, today is the first day I applied Vitamin E oil around my sutures.  Also, Happy Halloween!

Aunt Ella passed away on the 18th. Her celebration of life is today. She's been struggling the last bit, since she fell at the end of August. Now, she has been released from pain and has been able to reunite with friends and family who preceded her in death. We have lost her light among us; it continues on in a different sphere. And, we have memories to hold on to in the meantime. "An Affair to Remember" sums it up well with Terry McKay's observation: Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories...  Grateful to have known and loved her and to have warm memories to share. 

Once there was a gal who was a literary magazine editor in college. Fun times! Playing with words and providing feedback about ways to help convey an author's intent was thrilling and challenging at the same time.  My dad recently found one of the magazines I edited. The snapshot above is of a piece in that magazine that touched me deeply. I've thought of it often over the years.  As we are preparing for my Aunt's funeral tomorrow. I thought it might be an appropriate piece to share. Each of us has unknown chapters in our lives. Whether they are talents from years gone by or in years to come or experiences or personality facetes that only few people know about. To Robyn Hansen, wherever you are, thank you for "Uncovered Memories."

Selfie photo shoot!!! Before surgery, I took some pictures of my abdomen while I was wearing a specific shirt, so I could do a comparison. I still feel bloated and gassy and crampy and itchy and gross, but I took another photo shoot in the same shirt for comparison tonight. 4 weeks post-op today. If I remember correctly, I got back to my room after surgery at just before 11 pm. I kind of think a basketball sized mass would have made more of a visual difference. Healing takes time. And patience. And more time I am told. To everyone out there healing in your own way, on you own timeline, from whatever you need to heal from, hugs. Hang in there. Give it some time and patience. Before After

It's crazy to me to think it has been four weeks since Einstein was removed.  When I met with Dr. Hunn last Friday, it sounded like she hadn't taken any pictures of my mass. She was going to ask her nurse to look. I haven't heard anything yet. So, I probably will never know what it looked like. Hard, rock like, not much fluid. I want to be able to pick up and do everything I did before. Right now. It's hard to be patient. She signed off on my going back to work on Monday. I am going to miss listening to my body and napping when I need to.

Not my favorite combination. Dang it!

Yesterday was RDM's wind ensemble concert. They did such a great job!  Their October concert has all kinds of characters playing instruments: pirates, pig kings, the dred pirate roberts, princesses, Newt Scamander, etc. It's fun to see the kids' creativity. RDM was Newt.

Yesterday I thought it be a good idea to get three shots. My arms ache at the sites. Last night I tossed and turned with fever. It final broke-ish this morning. Still feverish; it's trending down, and I think I am on the mend.... I hope. We drew a circle around the red, hot spot on my arm to see if it grows or shrinks as well.

Everything. Important. Fun. Craziness. All of the above. Like Nephi, I am blessed to have goodly parents. Family is important to them. Family time is important to them. They share this love with us. Unlike Nephi, I am blessed with excellent siblings, and they have chosen excellent spouses. I know it doesn't always happen this way and am sooo grateful they chose to join us on this crazy journey of life. Very blessed! And I don't even know where to begin with my amazing neices and nephews! They are the best and make by life better every day. Annually, my parents throw a Halloween bash. Pumpkin carving. Chili. Hot dogs. Donuts. Treats. We drank from fake blood bads filled with apple cider this year. (All of us that is except my youngest nephew in attendance. They looked more like plasma or urine samples than blood bags. He was too grossed out by them and drank from a boring cup.) We played several rounds of Connect Four. Lots of laughter. It was super fun.  With all of the crazine...

It's about balance. Bitter with sweet. I am grateful for the Sabbath Day... A friend shared the quote below with me recently. Loved it

Positive news from the doctor on Friday. She is smart and talented. Everything is healing up nicely. It sounds like my mass was unusual and somewhat rare. I shouldn't have a reoccurrence. I reached out to my manager and our HR team to let them know the good news too. Friday night, my cousin's daughter was married to the love of her life. Her wedding and reception were beautiful. Her grandpa, my uncle, officiated the ceremony. He gave some thought provoking and elegant advice. It was a positive, fun way to celebrate their new lives together as well as catch up on the lives of family and friends. Saturday, we are celebrating a cousin's life and unexpected passing. His wife and children and extended family at a loss with his loss.  I am grateful to know that this life is not the end and that relationships continue into the next life. This gives me comfort in times of separation. 

Tired beyond tired. On so many levels. The inklings of last nights dream are fading. What stood out is that in this dream, I had been a surrogate for someone to have a baby. I don't remember who were the parents. The dream was post birth, not during the pregnancy. And, I was in denial or had forgotten I had been the baby's surrogate mother.  People were trying to remind me about the pregnancy and birth to the point that when I woke up this morning I was wondering where the child was and how it was doing. It took a little while to untangle the dream from reality. So weird.

Three weeks ago today, I entered St. Marks to have Einstein removed. It seems like only yesterday. And, like a lifetime ago at the same time.  Tomorrow, I meet with the doctor to see how my body is healing and to talk about next steps and returning to life. I haven't seen her since the hospital. It seems unreal that I should be back to work and life and everything in another week. I am trying to rebuild my stamina. Naps are my friend. Sometimes life seems overwhelming. I am unsure if I am the same person I was even a month ago. Is anesthesia a type of burial and rebirth? Does the person who carried Einstein still exhist?  Life is fragile. How do I want to let this experience change me?

Tonight was out Covey performance. I watched from the sideline and cheered and zagareeted until my throat ached. They did such a great job!!!  I missed dancing with with them immensely. Luckily I got to sit by some little and big friends in the audience.